Dumb Sears jokes, Troll posts, Mustache references and other crap

[augustabound]

Confession time.

 

I went in one today. I went in for a long time. I went in and it was great. I went in and I loved it. I don't know why more people don't go to Sears.

 

It was a Friday, so in retail that's part of the weekend but nobody was in there. It was great, I had the whole 80 000 sq ft to myself!

There were no other customers to run into and no staff bothering me if they could "help" me.

I just wandered through all alone in my own little world. There's even some dark corners where the lights are off and I could have had a nap.

 

I may go again next week.

[Kraven]

This belongs here: 

 

That clip was totally unrealistic.  I mean it showed shoppers at the Sears.  No way that happens in real life. 

 

Believe it or not, Sears is still an actual company.  They have locations and employees (and presumably) some customers.  I just don't know what they are going to do when their customer base (over 70, no internet access, still has a rotary dial land line phone with a 25 ft cord and answering machine with a tape as the only way to get in touch with them, and sometimes uses their phones to order from catalogs) dies off?  You've seen these people. They are the women with white hair that are always in the grocery store line in front of you trying to pay with a check then take 25 minutes to back out of their parking space in the parking lot.

 

They own K-Mart too, but I think it has been about 10-12 years since I've seen an actual K-Mart store, so I'm not sure if those still exist.

 

It's an actual company?  Whatchoo talkin' bout Willis?  I thought it was a store in the Neighborhood of Make Believe that Mr Rogers used to visit.  But K-Mart?  I know that's real.  It's used frequently as a set for things like World War Z and The Walking Dead.  Just creepy, desolate places.

[Mephistopheles]

My friend and I went once for scuttlebutting. We walked around, asked questions in the mattress section, then went to the tools section. A couple of the employees gave us weird looks, I'm not joking. I guess they're not used to having customers who are younger than 80. Or they're not used to having customers.

[rpadebet]

My friend and I went once for scuttlebutting. We walked around, asked questions in the mattress section, then went to the tools section. A couple of the employees gave us weird looks, I'm not joking. I guess they're not used to having customers who are younger than 80. Or they're not used to having customers.

 

It would be weird to go from mattress section to tools section....what kind of weirdo stuff were you planning..

[Kraven]

Confession time.

 

I went in one today. I went in for a long time. I went in and it was great. I went in and I loved it. I don't know why more people don't go to Sears.

 

It was a Friday, so in retail that's part of the weekend but nobody was in there. It was great, I had the whole 80 000 sq ft to myself!

There were no other customers to run into and no staff bothering me if they could "help" me.

I just wandered through all alone in my own little world. There's even some dark corners where the lights are off and I could have had a nap.

 

I may go again next week.

 

I hope you were careful. You could have been attacked by someone impersonating a Sears employee (or perhaps a real employee) and no one would have found you for days, maybe never even.

[Uccmal]

This belongs here: 

 

That clip was totally unrealistic.  I mean it showed shoppers at the Sears.  No way that happens in real life. 

 

Believe it or not, Sears is still an actual company.  They have locations and employees (and presumably) some customers.  I just don't know what they are going to do when their customer base (over 70, no internet access, still has a rotary dial land line phone with a 25 ft cord and answering machine with a tape as the only way to get in touch with them, and sometimes uses their phones to order from catalogs) dies off?  You've seen these people. They are the women with white hair that are always in the grocery store line in front of you trying to pay with a check then take 25 minutes to back out of their parking space in the parking lot.

 

They own K-Mart too, but I think it has been about 10-12 years since I've seen an actual K-Mart store, so I'm not sure if those still exist.

 

You meant the women with blue hair, I think. 

 

I saw one lurking about the Nordstrom parking lot, that just opened in the old Sears location.  She looked confused. 

[Uccmal]

Confession time.

 

I went in one today. I went in for a long time. I went in and it was great. I went in and I loved it. I don't know why more people don't go to Sears.

 

It was a Friday, so in retail that's part of the weekend but nobody was in there. It was great, I had the whole 80 000 sq ft to myself!

There were no other customers to run into and no staff bothering me if they could "help" me.

I just wandered through all alone in my own little world. There's even some dark corners where the lights are off and I could have had a nap.

 

I may go again next week.

 

I hope you were careful. You could have been attacked by someone impersonating a Sears employee (or perhaps a real employee) and no one would have found you for days, maybe never even.

 

I say son thats more dangerous than a Himalayan blizzard.

[augustabound]

Ok, the guilt is killing me................................ I actually bought something.  :-[

 

And it felt goooooooooooood.

 

The lady at the cash was about 80 and she was very pleasant. I paid cash, so no complicated hocus pocus debit machine that may give her cancer from the radiation off the futuristic electronics.

 

I spent $37 and I don't regret it.

[Mephistopheles]

My friend and I went once for scuttlebutting. We walked around, asked questions in the mattress section, then went to the tools section. A couple of the employees gave us weird looks, I'm not joking. I guess they're not used to having customers who are younger than 80. Or they're not used to having customers.

 

It would be weird to go from mattress section to tools section....what kind of weirdo stuff were you planning..

 

Hahahahaha

 

The two sections were right next to each other.

 

As an aside, they said they were going to expand their mattress section because it was doing well, FWIW.

[augustabound]

I hope you were careful. You could have been attacked by someone impersonating a Sears employee (or perhaps a real employee) and no one would have found you for days, maybe never even.

 

No need to be careful. The only person who noticed me was the kind lady at the cash. I'm sure if I had approached someone on the sales floor it would have scared them to death.

Or worse, if I actually asked a question...............

[Luke 532]

Here's my joke for the thread...

 

Q: How do you get a $1,000,000 account in less than 2 weeks on Wall Street?

A: You start with $2,000,000 and short SHLD at $24.63 (Oct 10th) and cover at $36.75 (Oct 23rd).

 

Q: How do you make Sears stock returns from the past 10 years look good?

A: You cherry-pick dates!

 

;)

 

I picked October 9th because that's when I posted the following...

 

68.1% is the highest it has been since I started tracking short interest for SHLD.  Pounding the table, similar to August 2013, might again be in order.

[ragnarisapirate]

Here's a goody that seems like a joke, that I am not making up.

 

A fellow board member told me about how Kmart was giving out 30 cent off a gallon coupons at a local gas station for every fifty bucks you spend. You could put three together to get 90 cents off a gallon, up to fifteen gallons. I drive a hunk of junk, gas guzzling truck, with a 34 gallon tank, so I could use a lot of them pretty quickly, or, just give them away to friends.

 

I went to Kmart bought a 50 dollar gift card, using my discover card that gets 2% cash back. To my surprise, I got a coupon. Then, I bought another 50 dollar gift card, and used the original gift card to pay for it. Along came another coupon... I did this like 20 times, just standing at the same register. Each coupon probably cost them about 4 bucks, if the gas station subsidized them a hair. Eventually, the system stopped letting me do it. I then spent the last gift card on some heavily discounted, or competitively priced stuff that I needed for rent house projects.

 

The beauty here, is that SHLD likely lost ~100 bucks and I effectevly made nearly 100, for me spending about thirty minutes in the store... Plus, I made their same store sales look better, to the tune of $1000 or so. I'm no expert in retail, but that seems like a bad business model to me.

 

If I'd had a moustache at the time, I was definitely twirling it.

 

I shit you not.

[Liberty]

Here's a goody that seems like a joke, that I am not making up.

 

A fellow board member told me about how Kmart was giving out 30 cent off a gallon coupons at a local gas station for every fifty bucks you spend. You could put three together to get 90 cents off a gallon, up to fifteen gallons. I drive a hunk of junk, gas guzzling truck, with a 34 gallon tank, so I could use a lot of them pretty quickly, or, just give them away to friends.

 

I went to Kmart bought a 50 dollar gift card, using my discover card that gets 2% cash back. To my surprise, I got a coupon. Then, I bought another 50 dollar gift card, and used the original gift card to pay for it. Along came another coupon... I did this like 20 times, just standing at the same register. Each coupon probably cost them about 4 bucks, if the gas station subsidized them a hair. Eventually, the system stopped letting me do it. I then spent the last gift card on some heavily discounted, or competitively priced stuff that I needed for rent house projects.

 

The beauty here, is that SHLD likely lost ~100 bucks and I effectevly made nearly 100, for me spending about thirty minutes in the store... Plus, I made their same store sales look better, to the tune of $1000 or so. I'm no expert in retail, but that seems like a bad business model to me.

 

If I'd had a moustache at the time, I was definitely twirling it.

 

I shit you not.

 

You are a pirate!

[Mephistopheles]

Here's a goody that seems like a joke, that I am not making up.

 

A fellow board member told me about how Kmart was giving out 30 cent off a gallon coupons at a local gas station for every fifty bucks you spend. You could put three together to get 90 cents off a gallon, up to fifteen gallons. I drive a hunk of junk, gas guzzling truck, with a 34 gallon tank, so I could use a lot of them pretty quickly, or, just give them away to friends.

 

I went to Kmart bought a 50 dollar gift card, using my discover card that gets 2% cash back. To my surprise, I got a coupon. Then, I bought another 50 dollar gift card, and used the original gift card to pay for it. Along came another coupon... I did this like 20 times, just standing at the same register. Each coupon probably cost them about 4 bucks, if the gas station subsidized them a hair. Eventually, the system stopped letting me do it. I then spent the last gift card on some heavily discounted, or competitively priced stuff that I needed for rent house projects.

 

The beauty here, is that SHLD likely lost ~100 bucks and I effectevly made nearly 100, for me spending about thirty minutes in the store... Plus, I made their same store sales look better, to the tune of $1000 or so. I'm no expert in retail, but that seems like a bad business model to me.

 

If I'd had a moustache at the time, I was definitely twirling it.

 

I shit you not.

 

LMAO. So you just stood there doing it over and over again??? I would have thought that they would pull the plug on you after say, the first couple of transactions.

[CanadianMunger]

Here's a goody that seems like a joke, that I am not making up.

 

A fellow board member told me about how Kmart was giving out 30 cent off a gallon coupons at a local gas station for every fifty bucks you spend. You could put three together to get 90 cents off a gallon, up to fifteen gallons. I drive a hunk of junk, gas guzzling truck, with a 34 gallon tank, so I could use a lot of them pretty quickly, or, just give them away to friends.

 

I went to Kmart bought a 50 dollar gift card, using my discover card that gets 2% cash back. To my surprise, I got a coupon. Then, I bought another 50 dollar gift card, and used the original gift card to pay for it. Along came another coupon... I did this like 20 times, just standing at the same register. Each coupon probably cost them about 4 bucks, if the gas station subsidized them a hair. Eventually, the system stopped letting me do it. I then spent the last gift card on some heavily discounted, or competitively priced stuff that I needed for rent house projects.

 

The beauty here, is that SHLD likely lost ~100 bucks and I effectevly made nearly 100, for me spending about thirty minutes in the store... Plus, I made their same store sales look better, to the tune of $1000 or so. I'm no expert in retail, but that seems like a bad business model to me.

 

If I'd had a moustache at the time, I was definitely twirling it.

 

I shit you not.

 

Pure gold!

 

-CM

[adesigar]

Here's a goody that seems like a joke, that I am not making up.

 

A fellow board member told me about how Kmart was giving out 30 cent off a gallon coupons at a local gas station for every fifty bucks you spend. You could put three together to get 90 cents off a gallon, up to fifteen gallons. I drive a hunk of junk, gas guzzling truck, with a 34 gallon tank, so I could use a lot of them pretty quickly, or, just give them away to friends.

 

I went to Kmart bought a 50 dollar gift card, using my discover card that gets 2% cash back. To my surprise, I got a coupon. Then, I bought another 50 dollar gift card, and used the original gift card to pay for it. Along came another coupon... I did this like 20 times, just standing at the same register. Each coupon probably cost them about 4 bucks, if the gas station subsidized them a hair. Eventually, the system stopped letting me do it. I then spent the last gift card on some heavily discounted, or competitively priced stuff that I needed for rent house projects.

 

The beauty here, is that SHLD likely lost ~100 bucks and I effectevly made nearly 100, for me spending about thirty minutes in the store... Plus, I made their same store sales look better, to the tune of $1000 or so. I'm no expert in retail, but that seems like a bad business model to me.

 

If I'd had a moustache at the time, I was definitely twirling it.

 

I shit you not.

 

So correct me if I am confusing this.

 

You spent 30 minutes to get $1 in cashback. You also got $100 in coupons. To use these coupons you need to buy $350 in gas (if they stack) or upto $1000 in gas if they don't. You need to stop every 15 gallons to make a new transaction or else you end up buying full priced gas for the remaining 15+ gallons to fill the truck. The gas prices at this station are going to be higher than other gas stations. And you bought $50 worth of stuff from Sears.

 

That is funny. Yo ho ho. :P

[tombgrt]

Here's a goody that seems like a joke, that I am not making up.

 

A fellow board member told me about how Kmart was giving out 30 cent off a gallon coupons at a local gas station for every fifty bucks you spend. You could put three together to get 90 cents off a gallon, up to fifteen gallons. I drive a hunk of junk, gas guzzling truck, with a 34 gallon tank, so I could use a lot of them pretty quickly, or, just give them away to friends.

 

I went to Kmart bought a 50 dollar gift card, using my discover card that gets 2% cash back. To my surprise, I got a coupon. Then, I bought another 50 dollar gift card, and used the original gift card to pay for it. Along came another coupon... I did this like 20 times, just standing at the same register. Each coupon probably cost them about 4 bucks, if the gas station subsidized them a hair. Eventually, the system stopped letting me do it. I then spent the last gift card on some heavily discounted, or competitively priced stuff that I needed for rent house projects.

 

The beauty here, is that SHLD likely lost ~100 bucks and I effectevly made nearly 100, for me spending about thirty minutes in the store... Plus, I made their same store sales look better, to the tune of $1000 or so. I'm no expert in retail, but that seems like a bad business model to me.

 

If I'd had a moustache at the time, I was definitely twirling it.

 

I shit you not.

 

By far the best joke of the thread!

[Kraven]

A Sears haiku:

 

Mall very crowded

Prefer to be by myself

I will go to Sears

[BTShine]

So how much cash money did you give to Sears? 

[Mephistopheles]

 

I picked October 9th because that's when I posted the following...

 

68.1% is the highest it has been since I started tracking short interest for SHLD.  Pounding the table, similar to August 2013, might again be in order.

 

Guys, we are getting carried away. When I open this thread I want to find a good joke without having to sift through stuff like this. Please post all serious matters in the SHLD Investments thread, which can be found here: http://www.cornerofberkshireandfairfax.ca/forum/investment-ideas/shld-sears/.

[Mephistopheles]

;D :P

[beerbaron]

The beauty here, is that SHLD likely lost ~100 bucks and I effectevly made nearly 100, for me spending about thirty minutes in the store... Plus, I made their same store sales look better, to the tune of $1000 or so. I'm no expert in retail, but that seems like a bad business model to me.

 

That's a good question tough. How would those cards show off in the books? As sales? As an asset with Liabilities attached to it?

 

BeerBaron

[adesigar]

Fory anyone that missed it, heres a Kmart ad from last year.

 

[Luke 532]

 

I picked October 9th because that's when I posted the following...

 

68.1% is the highest it has been since I started tracking short interest for SHLD.  Pounding the table, similar to August 2013, might again be in order.

 

Guys, we are getting carried away. When I open this thread I want to find a good joke without having to sift through stuff like this. Please post all serious matters in the SHLD Investments thread, which can be found here: http://www.cornerofberkshireandfairfax.ca/forum/investment-ideas/shld-sears/.

 

Classic  :)  My bad.

[rkbabang]

Here's a goody that seems like a joke, that I am not making up.

 

A fellow board member told me about how Kmart was giving out 30 cent off a gallon coupons at a local gas station for every fifty bucks you spend. You could put three together to get 90 cents off a gallon, up to fifteen gallons. I drive a hunk of junk, gas guzzling truck, with a 34 gallon tank, so I could use a lot of them pretty quickly, or, just give them away to friends.

 

I went to Kmart bought a 50 dollar gift card, using my discover card that gets 2% cash back. To my surprise, I got a coupon. Then, I bought another 50 dollar gift card, and used the original gift card to pay for it. Along came another coupon... I did this like 20 times, just standing at the same register. Each coupon probably cost them about 4 bucks, if the gas station subsidized them a hair. Eventually, the system stopped letting me do it. I then spent the last gift card on some heavily discounted, or competitively priced stuff that I needed for rent house projects.

 

The beauty here, is that SHLD likely lost ~100 bucks and I effectevly made nearly 100, for me spending about thirty minutes in the store... Plus, I made their same store sales look better, to the tune of $1000 or so. I'm no expert in retail, but that seems like a bad business model to me.

 

If I'd had a moustache at the time, I was definitely twirling it.

 

I shit you not.

 

That's a great story.  I was going to reply that the hardest part would be actually finding a K-Mart, but first I went to their store locator and wouldn't you know there are actually 4 of them in my state.  One of them is only 11 miles from my house.  Who knew?  I guess I don't drive through those types of neighborhoods that often.