Gregmal Posted March 12, 2020 Share Posted March 12, 2020 Got an email from Spirit Airlines today. It said: "Never a better time to fly" Reminded me of one of those old "wanna get away" commercials. Fun times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted March 13, 2020 Share Posted March 13, 2020 https://giphy.com/gifs/21ddSKK0wLQli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted March 13, 2020 Share Posted March 13, 2020 Two types of people in this world: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 Governments are always too slow to act. Travel ban from Europe to America could have had great public health benefits. It should have been enacted in 1492. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 Not afraid of Covid-19. Protected by Smith & Wesson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spekulatius Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 https://twitter.com/reformedbroker/status/1238867417851461639?s=21 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted March 14, 2020 Share Posted March 14, 2020 It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. Also, being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied,"it's definitely going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bizaro86 Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 What do you call someone on their thirteenth birthday at their party 13.75 years from today? --A quaran-teen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted March 16, 2020 Share Posted March 16, 2020 https://twitter.com/reformedbroker/status/1238867417851461639?s=21 He's got the best viruses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merkhet Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 @ConanOBrien: Lori Loughlin is wondering how the Coronavirus got into Princeton and her kid didn’t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhcap Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 Chuck Norris' tears can cure COVID-19. Too bad he never cries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longterminvestor Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 BREAKING: Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19. Doctors say the virus is in critical condition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ERICOPOLY Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 No joke: https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/446461592029630464 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 Saw this claim on a roll of toilet paper: "1 roll lasts 1 week" I said "No sh1t!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. i'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt said " I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Syria either." :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 Cherry trees are blooming in Tokyo. This is such a beautiful sight that Japanese are all flocking to the parks and saying "Sakuru social distancing!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DynamicPerception Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!" Now, the old Doberman sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says ....... "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!" Moral of this story, Don't mess with the old dogs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 My girlfriend left me because I am insecure. ... ... No wait she's back, she just went to get coffee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted March 23, 2020 Share Posted March 23, 2020 A 60-year old millionaire marries a 25-year old hot girl. After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage... After a few drinks, the millionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie... "It's simple" the millionaire boasts... "I faked my age" "Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks. With a smile on his lips billionaire responds "85 years old" 8) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xerxes Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 I guess my stupidly belongs to the category of jokes. Might as well drop it here. Bought BAC at round $15, about 5 years ago, enjoyed the dividend increases from nothing to what it became. Ride it all the way up to $35 and all the way down to $19 when I sold it this morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 I guess my stupidly belongs to the category of jokes. Might as well drop it here. Bought BAC at round $15, about 5 years ago, enjoyed the dividend increases from nothing to what it became. Ride it all the way up to $35 and all the way down to $19 when I sold it this morning. Don't sweat it, I sold around 23? And thinking of buying back in. At least you got dividends. ;D Here's another one: In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we are friends." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meiroy Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 Some of the comments are hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spekulatius Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 Choice B: https://imgur.com/2aHggpX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meiroy Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 "Jesus died for our sins, grandma died for the Dow." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted March 26, 2020 Share Posted March 26, 2020 "Jesus died for our sins, grandma died for the Dow." Grandma's far more useful, my sins are just fine the way they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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