John Hjorth Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 It's hilarious to read your posts about goats here, rkbabang! [ : - D] -As good as reading any good joke! - Personally, I have one IRL, too, about a goat, from when I was a kid. Are we [that means you, not me!] up for more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickenumbers Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Shit just GOAT serious up in here. I feel baaaaaad... Rkbabang, can you please upload some videos of these goats..?? [i am peeing myself imagining all this fence business..] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BG2008 Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 Grammar Nazis be damned! Say all the "b" out loud. I climb out of the tomb and my thumb went numb. I had my doubts but I ate the crumbs anyway. Those who have wombs tend to use combs. I am in debt and I am not subtle about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 I'm sure I have some video of them somewhere. I'll have to look and I'll post it if I find it. In the mean time, this is Landon and Bailey all dressed up for the Christmas card pictures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHDL Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 Nice goats Thanks, they were tough though. They are incredibly smart and stubborn, two qualities that make it very tough to keep them. That fence was my first attempt at keeping them in and it failed miserably. I thought I could just put up some electric wires and that would hold them. Nope. Then I drove posts into the ground and used a heavy gauge chicken wire. They just climbed over it. Then I put the electric fence on the inside of that fence, they tunneled under it. Then I buried the wire fence 1 ft into the ground, but they pulled it out and got under it. Then I drove 6 foot steal re-bar every 2 ft and tied the wire to it. That stopped them for the most part, but they still climbed out once in a while electric shocks be damned. And the horse gate I had, they learned how to unlatch it with their mouth just by watching me, I had to put a spring loaded clip on the chain to make it secure. It was a constant battle. Sometimes they would refuse to go in at night and it would literally take hours. Other times they were sweet and lovable and you could walk them around the neighborhood on leashes like dogs. If they got mad at you though, they'd hold a grudge and not listen to you for days. If they were angry at me, I'd have to have my wife put them out in the morning and bring them in at night. And when they were angry at her I'd have to do it. We had 30 chickens, 2 rabbits, and a dog, which were all easy as can be, but the goats where just a constant headache. They ate everything too. All that grass and the trees you see inside that fenced area was completely gone the first summer. Every time they got out they would demolish our vegetable garden and flower gardens. As fun as they are at times, I wouldn't recommend anyone keep goats. Best story I read in a while. So I shared it with my wife. Wife: "That sounds awfully familiar... Were you a Capricorn by the way?" Me: "Yup." Wife: "I knew it, I just knew it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liberty Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Reporter: "What's the newest thing in science?" Scientist, feigning surprise: "Oh, so you already know all the old science?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,… “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?” Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Lesson 2: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.” Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say Lesson 3: A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.” Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity Lesson 4 A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up Lesson 5: Power of Charisma A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there Lesson 6 A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Moral of the story: Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DynamicPerception Posted January 26, 2019 Share Posted January 26, 2019 I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SharperDingaan Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 Per a very funny story from the book 'Jean Cretien, My Stories, My Times' The 1995 referendum on Quebec seperation was a very close thing, in part because Quebecers are prone to 'voting with their heart', over 'voting with their head'. Hence a good orator, of the people, speaking to the people - will often carry the day. At the time, Quebec opinion polls were consistently fluctuating around the 50% mark on a weekly basis, and there was a very real risk that Canada would seperate. To get away from the paranoia, a prominent federalist politician in the Quebec Eastern Townships, would venture into his basement to consult with Quebecs newest citizens; a litter of 9 kittens that the family cat had just delivered. Being a good politician, he'd ask these new citizens if they thought that Quebec should seperate, and they'd all said 'Yes'. Depressed, he'd trudge back upstairs, tell his 'people', and they would fight the good fight for another week. A month later, following his weekly 'consultation', he re-appeared at the top of the basement stairs, and announced that the consensus was now a 'No'. His 'people', were of course estatic!, and asked 'what had changed'. The reply was, 'their eyes had opened'. Ultimately Quebec chose to stay in Canada with a a vote of 50.85%. https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/quebec-referendum-1995 SD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Hjorth Posted January 27, 2019 Share Posted January 27, 2019 I have always loved your - at times - harsh & dry humor - scattered all over the board, SharperDingaan, -Please don't concentrate it here going forward! [ : - ) ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 A kindergarten teacher asks her class "Can anyone tell me what the Superbowl is?" One little boy raises his hand and says "Yes, that's when the Patriots play their last game of their season." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 A good goat video for a laugh. (Not my goats, but funny). https://www.facebook.com/diplyhumor/videos/1826981080685833/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 A good goat video for a laugh. (Not my goats, but funny). https://www.facebook.com/diplyhumor/videos/1826981080685833/ Hahah for some reason I find goat videos absolutely hilarious. Here's another good one: (bit of foul language in that one) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 A professor at the University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?' About 90 students raise their hands. Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands. That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?' About 15 students raise their hand. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?' Three students raise their hands. That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?' Way in the back, a student raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.' The student shuffles up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, dear, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?' The student replied, "Oh no, from back there I thought you said "Goats." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DooDiligence Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Goats can be assholes. Goats are also rather tasty (I found this out in West Africa.) Some goats are aware of being tasty & try their best to be likable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted February 15, 2019 Share Posted February 15, 2019 The rabbi was an avid golfer and played at every opportunity. He was so addicted to the game that he would get withdrawal symptoms if he didn't play. One Yom Kippur the rabbi thought to himself, "What's it going to hurt if I go out during the recess and play a few rounds. Nobody will be the wiser, and I'll be back in time for services." Sure enough, at the end of the morning service, the rabbi snuck out of the synagogue and headed straight for the golf course. Looking down upon the scene were Moses and God. Moses said, "Look how terrible -- a Jew out here alone on Yom Kippur. And even worse! A rabbi!" God replied "Watch. I'm going to teach him a lesson." The rabbi stepped up to the first tee. When he hit the ball, it careened off a tree, struck a rock, skipped across a pond and landed in the hole for a hole in one! Seeing all this, Moses protested. "God, is this how you're going to teach him a lesson? He got a hole in one!" "Sure," said God, "but who's he going to tell?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for?" She replies "I want to kill my husband." He says "Sorry, I can't give you that." She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He looks at it closely and says, "Well, you didn't tell me you had a prescription." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 I was applying for Australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, "Do you have a criminal record?" I said, "No. Is that still required?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meiroy Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 lovely goats story rkbabang A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a goat sitting next to him. "Are you a goat?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The goat replied, "Well, I liked the book." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DynamicPerception Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 CHINESE SAYINGS (and what they REALLY mean) That's not right ........................... Sum Ting Wong Are you harboring a fugitive? .............. Hu Yu Hai Ding? See me ASAP ................................ Kum Hia Nao Stupid Man ................................. Dum Gai Small Horse ................................ Tai Ni Po Ni Did you go to the beach? ................... Wai Yu So Tan? I bumped into a coffee table ............... Ai Bang Mai Ni I think you need a face lift ............... Chin Tu Fat It's very dark in here ..................... Wai So Dim? I thought you were on a diet ............... Wai Yu Mun Ching? This is a tow away zone .................... No Pah King Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? .... Wai Yu Sing Dum Song? You are not very bright .................... Yu So Dum I got this for free ........................ Ai No Pei Please stay a while longer ................. Wai Go Nao? Our meeting was scheduled for next week .... Wai Yu Kum Nao? They have arrived .......................... Hia Dei Kum Stay out of sight .......................... Lei Lo He's cleaning his automobile ............... Wao Shing Ka Your body odor is offensive ................ Yu Stin Ki Pu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 CHINESE SAYINGS (and what they REALLY mean) That's not right ........................... Sum Ting Wong Are you harboring a fugitive? .............. Hu Yu Hai Ding? See me ASAP ................................ Kum Hia Nao Stupid Man ................................. Dum Gai Small Horse ................................ Tai Ni Po Ni Did you go to the beach? ................... Wai Yu So Tan? I bumped into a coffee table ............... Ai Bang Mai Ni I think you need a face lift ............... Chin Tu Fat It's very dark in here ..................... Wai So Dim? I thought you were on a diet ............... Wai Yu Mun Ching? This is a tow away zone .................... No Pah King Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? .... Wai Yu Sing Dum Song? You are not very bright .................... Yu So Dum I got this for free ........................ Ai No Pei Please stay a while longer ................. Wai Go Nao? Our meeting was scheduled for next week .... Wai Yu Kum Nao? They have arrived .......................... Hia Dei Kum Stay out of sight .......................... Lei Lo He's cleaning his automobile ............... Wao Shing Ka Your body odor is offensive ................ Yu Stin Ki Pu I have an elderly neighbor who is originally from Taiwan, he's in his 70's but has lived in England, Canada, and the US since college. So he speaks English very well, with only a hint of an accent. But when he jokes around and does an exaggerated Chinese accent it is hilarious. "Fried Rice" comes out "Flied Lice" for instance. He just goes on and on and can keep us laughing for hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 A man walking down the street sees a young boy sitting on some steps with a huge bag of candy, popping one piece after another into his mouth and chewing furiously. He walks up to the boy and says "You know, if you keep eating so much candy you are going to rot your teeth out and you won't have room in your belly to eat your supper." The boy responds: "I don't know about that, but do know that my great grandpa lived to be 102 years old!" The man confused asked "And do you think he lived that long because he ate a lot of candy?" The boy says "No. He lived that long because he knew how to mind his own business." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Hjorth Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 "The resources sector is like a bad girlfriend. She's volatile, inconsistent, and sometimes she treats you good but most of the time she's crazy. And while you're wasting your time with her, there's all these other beautiful women you're missing out on." H/T Pytia Cap(ital). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 I'll just leave this here. I disagree that they are "as clever" as dogs, they are far more clever. Goats are as loving and clever as dogs https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/07/06/goats-are-as-loving-and-clever-as-dogs-say-smitten-scientists/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DooDiligence Posted August 23, 2019 Share Posted August 23, 2019 I'll just leave this here. I disagree that they are "as clever" as dogs, they are far more clever. Goats are as loving and clever as dogs https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/07/06/goats-are-as-loving-and-clever-as-dogs-say-smitten-scientists/ Crap :-\ Goats, cows & pigs are friggin' delicious but I couldn't eat a friend. Might have to go to chicken only. Please don't post a lovable chicken link. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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