I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.

[LC]

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota.

 

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

 

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

 

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

 

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

 

"Done!" replies the government official.

 

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work...

 

 

 

[DooDiligence]

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota.

 

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

 

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

 

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

 

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

 

"Done!" replies the government official.

 

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work...

 

GOAT  ;D

[rkbabang]

[meiroy]

https://www.theonion.com/protestors-criticized-for-looting-businesses-without-fo-1843735351?utm_campaign=TheOnion&utm_content=1590692687&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_source=twitter

 

Protestors Criticized For Looting Businesses Without Forming Private Equity Firm First

 

Funny.

 

 

 

[LC]

Bit of a gnarly one:

 

“The first thing you should know about working in a mortuary," the teacher said as he removed his latex glove and inserted a finger right up the ass of the body on the table, "You can't be squeamish."

 

He then stuck his finger in his mouth.

 

The students grimaced as he motioned for them to line up and do the same.

 

When the last student had stuck their finger- right up to the knuckle, the teacher insisted- and stuck the finger in their mouth, the teacher said, "The second thing you should know about working in a mortuary is attention to detail. I stuck my middle finger in, but sucked my index finger."

 

The class was horrified. Some of them threw up.

 

"The third thing you should know," the teacher said as he picked up his briefcase, "Is that I don't work here."

 

"And the fourth thing you should know," said the man lying on the table with a smile, "Is that I'm not dead“

[rkbabang]

:-\

"And the fourth thing you should know," said the man lying on the table with a smile, "Is that I'm not dead“

 

Trying to decide if that makes it better or worse  :-\

[rb]

Definitely makes it weirder!

[rkbabang]

Since we're getting weird, I came across this

[rb]

Adverising yachts to value investors!

[Jurgis]

Adverising yachts to value investors!

 

That's targeted specifically at you. :P

 

When are we doing that Ferrari race?  8)

[rb]

After I'm done buying this yacht.  8)

[Jurgis]

After I'm done buying this yacht.  8)

 

Ohhh, I think you're very smart. These babies hold tons of fuel. So really you're positioning yourself to buy that negative-cost WTI and have it stored on the yacht.

 

 

 

How are you gonna get the yacht to Cushing is the only question...  8)

[DynamicPerception]

 

  1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

      He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

      but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,

      because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

      The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow.

      Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

      One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.

      In feudalism it's your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.

      The stewardess looks at him and says,

      'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

      One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.

      Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and

      heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet.

      One says, 'I've lost my electron.'

      The other says 'Are you sure?'

      The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

      His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,

      with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

      No pun in ten did.

[LC]

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

      His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

This reminds me of the Buddhist who went to the hot dog stand, "I'll take one, please". The vendor says, "OK, how would you like it?"

 

The Buddhist: "Make me one with everything"

 

He pays the vendor with a $20 but then asks,"Where is my change?"

 

The vendor says in reply, "Change comes from within"

[LC]

A man and his dog are playing chess in the park.

 

A woman walks by and says, "Oh my goodness, your dog can play chess?! That's amazing! What a brilliant dog!"

 

The man says, "Pffft. He's hardly brilliant. I've won 4 of the last 5 matches."

[meiroy]

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-wirecard-recover-its-missing-billions

[LongHaul]

 

  1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

      He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

      but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,

      because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.

      The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow.

      Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

      One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.

      In feudalism it's your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.

      The stewardess looks at him and says,

      'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

      One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.

      Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and

      heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet.

      One says, 'I've lost my electron.'

      The other says 'Are you sure?'

      The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

      His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends,

      with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

      No pun in ten did.

 

Those were great!

[Gregmal]

Does this count?

 

https://nypost.com/2020/06/25/sex-addict-claims-hot-female-gamers-caused-him-to-injure-penis/

 

 

Estavillo alleges in the transcript he even once ejaculated on his PC monitor, which caused his gaming system to short-circuit and resulted in a fire that temporarily caused his apartment to black out.

[rkbabang]

Does this count?

 

https://nypost.com/2020/06/25/sex-addict-claims-hot-female-gamers-caused-him-to-injure-penis/

 

 

Estavillo alleges in the transcript he even once ejaculated on his PC monitor, which caused his gaming system to short-circuit and resulted in a fire that temporarily caused his apartment to black out.

 

I'd say it does.  Since the Subject of this topic says "Keep em PC" and this involves a PC.

 

[Guest cherzeca]

Does this count?

 

https://nypost.com/2020/06/25/sex-addict-claims-hot-female-gamers-caused-him-to-injure-penis/

 

 

Estavillo alleges in the transcript he even once ejaculated on his PC monitor, which caused his gaming system to short-circuit and resulted in a fire that temporarily caused his apartment to black out.

 

I'd say it does.  Since the Subject of this topic says "Keep em PC" and this involves a PC.

 

+1

[John Hjorth]

Does this count?

 

https://nypost.com/2020/06/25/sex-addict-claims-hot-female-gamers-caused-him-to-injure-penis/

 

 

Estavillo alleges in the transcript he even once ejaculated on his PC monitor, which caused his gaming system to short-circuit and resulted in a fire that temporarily caused his apartment to black out.

 

I'd say it does.  Since the Subject of this topic says "Keep em PC" and this involves a PC.

 

+1

 

Gents, you crack me up!

 

Sperm is a very potent part of your body, which you have to stay in full control of. Dropping it here, there & everywhere can be really expensive.

[LC]

Two jokes from the pearly gates:

 

One day a man arrives at the pearly gates and meets St Peter. They’re going through the necessary paperwork and documentation so St Peter asks the man, “So, did you have any memorable experiences that stood out on earth?”

 

The man pauses for a second to think and responds, “Why Yes I did have a quite memorable experience! I was at this bar getting a drink next to a beautiful young lady when this big bunch of bad bikers barged in and started harassing the young lady. After awhile I had to step in so I picked the biggest, baddest looking dude of the group and went up to him, punched him in the gut and yanked out his eyebrow ring. Then I looked at the rest of the gang and said, 'If you don’t leave right now, I’ll kill every last one of you!’”

 

St Peter then looked up in shock and said, “Oh my goodness! When did all this happen?”

 

The man looks down at his watch...”Oh, I’d say about 4-5 minutes ago.”

 

Two women go to heaven and meet St Peter.

 

He told the two women you can do anything you want here in heaven but please do not step on a duck because they make a terrible noise and racket.

 

The two women agreed and entered heaven. One day, one of the women accidently stepped on a duck and sure enough it made such a terrible noise and racket, soon after that St. Peter came over to her with an ugly man next to him and immediately chained him to the woman and she sadly walked away with the ugly man.

 

The other woman was shocked and took extra precautions not to step on a duck and after much time had passed St Peter came over to her with a handsome man and chained him to her. The woman excitedly blushed and looked at the man and said, I am not sure what I did to get chained to you, but this is great, and the handsome man looked at her and said, I am not sure , all I did was step on a duck.

 

 

[Liberty]

What's the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer?

 

An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when he's talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when he's talking to you.

[John Hjorth]

Posted by Mike [boilermaker] here :

 

This looks very interesting. But the value investor in me is going to wait till the Kindle version goes on sale!

 

Besides, I have more books in the queue than lifetime left, so I have plenty to read while I wait!

That would be the first time ever I've seen Mike buying puts on something [so far, I've only seen Mike selling them, primarily on Berkshire, I think!]

- Buying books in excess of reading capacity, reading plans and known reading patterns is a special kind of buying puts and - in a way - also hoarding, based on fear of going down on unread books!

 

It's also the build of a margin of safety & a certain kind of wearing both belt and suspenders! [ ; - D ]

[John Hjorth]

Here is another one posted today by Wish_ram [ ; - D ]:

 

If you don't own growth and just focus on hard core value investing ,then making $ is very hard.

 

Over several years I gradually shifted from value to growth. I understand the absurdity of this as Buffett says they both are joined at the hip. I started making good $ for me and my clients with this approach (outperforming S&P 500 over several years).

 

Here are some thumb rules:

1) You need some core expertise in at least one area (like software, telecom, cloud , security etc)

2) Value investors don't lack the ability or knowledge, but lack the imagination to invest in growth. They want to see everything upfront (earnings, cash flow etc) before committing up front. The market is too smart for that. Market prices in potential upside.

 

Let me illustrate with an example:

Imagine Microsoft O/S that is growing well (30 years ago). If you value MSFT purely on O/S you will see that it is very expensive. The TAM may not appear to be that high. But if the company is at nascent stage of bringing ancillary products like word, excel etc then the TAM dramatically goes up over time. It hasn't happened yet, but will happen over time.

 

The leverage they've on one product will help them expand to others over time. There are many many examples in other companies as well. Market pro-actively prices it in.

 

In general MOST growth stocks are way undervalued (how else do you explain the subsequent superior returns).

 

Yes, when growth falters or margins shrink, it'll take a plunge. This was the case of MSFT during 18 years that it under performed.

 

3) Diversification is the key. This is why concentration will either produce terrible results in general. Value investors take so much pride in taking concentrated portfolio. This is the dumbest approach (you are not Buffett). Buffett should be sent to prison for few months for giving such a bad advice to his countless acolytes and ruining their portfolio.

 

4) Understanding of macro helps. If you have an approach of raising cash when yield curve inverts and Fed tightens, sell/trim when valuation of growth becomes really insane (like trading at 50-80 times sales) you'll do better.

 

5) Never get too attached to any growth stocks.

 

6) In growth investing, EARNINGS ARE FOR LOSERS. Bezos said if any of their subsidiary produces profit, they are not doing a good job.

You need to take an owner view. Say you have an omelette shop. Do you think of producing the max. profit? No ,you work on growth , reinvestment of all capital to grow more. The GAAP losses are sowing the seeds for future growth. the SG&A you incur now is building the foundation for future.

yes, it all depends on if the end state is something that can produce 20% FCF margin. This involves understanding the biz, industry, TAM, competition, and so many factors.

 

YOu constantly have to filter and refine the criteria for owning. No one understands a company fully (not even the CEO). No One knows the future. It is all calculated risk taking.

 

Even the greatest investor of all time, Buffett, started showing improved performance when he started paying up for growth.