LC Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 The word asparagus is funny. It sounds like an italian guy asking you to spare a guy named gus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickenumbers Posted June 7, 2018 Share Posted June 7, 2018 I nearly invested in this Egyptian tourism business, but then I realized it was just a pyramid scheme. That is funny!!! I don't care....Jurgis gets full marks! A+ that was funny!!!!!!!!! :) ;) ;D Pyramid scheme.!!~~ [Finance joke] Private message me if you want me to explain it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Hjorth Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 Posted by Cigarbutt in the topic about Joel's Essay on the Big Four US Banks, posting it here, not to derail Joel's topic about the Essay: ... So are Danes contrarians or simply too conservative? https://finance.yahoo.com/news/richer-ever-danes-sitting-wealth-100000906.html ... I'm just trying here to answer your question short, hopefully without derailing the topic from its scope [Joel's essay on the Big Four U.S. banks] too much: Financial illiteracy and stupidity is still doing very well in general here, as it has always done, through every cycle. This time, the long term memory from "last time" somehow seems more intact than before, generating a new kind of stupidity: About DKK 800 B in the Danish banks pulling absolutely nothing, getting eaten up by Danish inflation at about 2 percent. The Danish banks got fixed during the GFC basically US style - I don't have count on the neck shots - they were many. Add to that a good deal of home bias for those, that invest, I think. To me, we have a huge problem here with equal treatment of genders in our banks. [May 2018 has been the warmest May month ever recorded here in Denmark - it does not seem to come to an end.] I have noticed that the majority of Danish male bankers use shoes from Lloyd, still in the heat, basically making them thread waters in the heat, inside their shoes. Shoes from Lloyd are fairly good, but bricks compared to some high quality stuff from an Italian shoemaker [i.e. Moreschi], who know how get get it right and comfortable for warm climate. So I end up thinking this guy I'm talking with is an economic idiot too [without knowing the exact reason why, be it mortgage on a too large house, perhaps a too large car [or two], too many kids, or a wife with a shopping gene, or whatever.] Female bankers, however are here in Denmark allowed a dress code, that includes so called "open shoes" and even sandals.To me, it's an unfair internal competitive advantage during heat & drought. They [the women] get the opportunity to steal with their toes too during bank opening hours. It's simply not fair. Banking is basically theft at full daylight. It has always been. It's set into a system - now for several centuries - with oversight, regulation and such - now, to the extent, that seems absurd. I just happen to hate banks. I suppose that's also why I have invested in some of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cigarbutt Posted June 9, 2018 Share Posted June 9, 2018 "Banking is basically theft at full daylight. It has always been. It's set into a system - now for several centuries - with oversight, regulation and such - now, to the extent, that seems absurd. I just happen to hate banks. I suppose that's also why I have invested in some of them." Very reasonable. Hate them or love them, debt is addictive and the House always wins. -What's the problem with banker jokes? Bankers don't think they're funny and mainstreet people don't think they're jokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 https://qz.com/1308730/modern-pandas-should-have-died-out-years-ago/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doughishere Posted June 19, 2018 Author Share Posted June 19, 2018 I nearly invested in this Egyptian tourism business, but then I realized it was just a pyramid scheme. I bought the Giza pyramids back in 1998 & here's me & my agent getting ready to go to the closing. He was much better as a sales agent than he is as a property manager. I still haven't received any rent checks & think I've got squatters. BTW, nice mullet, huh? A+ mullet. Or should I say rad mullet, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Hjorth Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Just a friendly reminder here to all CoBF members investing in banks at the moment: Please remember your auto reply, when we start backsliding into the next turmoil/crisis! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liberty Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 A mathematician wakes up to find his house on fire. He frantically looks around before seeing the fire extinguisher on the far wall of the room. "Aha!" he says, "a solution exists!" and goes back to sleep. -- Popular math students' joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Hjorth Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 Bay Street vs Wall Street according to growth investors, and some other stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 A Russian man finds a bottle with a genie in it. Genie says "I will grant you anything you desire, but whatever I give you your neighbor will get double." The man thinks for a second then says to the genie "Take out one of my eyes." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 A young woman alone in New York... Was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DooDiligence Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 A young woman alone in New York... Was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry." Now that's funny ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Hjorth Posted August 24, 2018 Share Posted August 24, 2018 From the Tesla topic: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-45292028 Look out Telsa "The firm behind the famous AK-47 assault rifle presented the eggshell-blue prototype vehicle, the CV-1, at an event near the capital, Moscow." They need a new manager for their product design team. Yes, that is one ugly car! You couldn't do worse if you tried to design an ugly car. Edit: It make the Bolt look sexy! It's Russian Retro from the '70s! - I suppose Western car collectors would get emotional, and begin crying & buying, if it ever hits production environment, a bit like pet lovers resqueing mistreated pets from a sinister & gruesome future. https://driving.ca/auto-news/news/motor-mouth-mean-tweets-at-the-expense-of-tesla Just hilarious I speculate the reporter David Booth got it wrong here. To me it looks like the result of Garfield chasing the Tesla the way he was taught by Odie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 A guy comes into shrink's office and says: "Doctor, I think I'm a twin pack of laundry detergent!" Doctor says: "Relax, you're just too tight". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nickenumbers Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Elon Musk is planning to open a super amazing bar/club on the moon. I heard the design of the bar is incredible, but that the place has no ATMOSPHERE....!!!!!! :) ;) :D ;D :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Hjorth Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 Posted by Cigarbutt in the new TRV topic today: ... For now, I'm not planning to buy but have put it on a list for the fiduciaries in case I die suddenly (I also should prepare in case of senility but count on writser to settle the record straight in due course). No worries, Cigarbutt. The solution to your concerns is already posted by Mike [boilermaker] in this topic somewhere: You simply assume yourself out of that particular future situation. - - - o 0 o - - - Sent from my Commodore 64. [<- Just to keep up appearance with those fellow board members actively posting about AAPL and all the great products from this particular company.] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 My insurance company has notified all of its customers that if your tent is stolen while camping you are no longer covered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 But when police find an escaped prisoner camping in a forest, they have a clear case of a criminal in tent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cigarbutt Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 My insurance company has notified all of its customers that if your tent is stolen while camping you are no longer covered. "Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 AM. Holmes said, look up Watson what can you see? Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it’s about 3 AM What else Watson? It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow What else Watson? What am I supposed to see Holmes? Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rkbabang Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 CANADIAN: Let's watch a movie. AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic? CANADIAN: What's that about? AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything" He gives the guy $10 bucks and gets a massive hot dog back. "What about my change?" The hot dog guy replies, "Change comes from within" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted December 11, 2018 Share Posted December 11, 2018 A Buddhist goes up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything" He gives the guy $10 bucks and gets a massive hot dog back. "What about my change?" The hot dog guy replies, "Change comes from within" http://www.stumbles.org.uk/John/rec/buddha.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jobyts Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time. "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives, " "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell *'Mississippi'." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LC Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 Three construction workers: an italian guy, a chinese guy, and an irish guy are sitting up on one of the beams of the empire state building during its construction, thousands of feet above the street below, having their lunch. The italian guy opens his lunchbox. "Ah spaghetti and meatballs again! If my wife cooks this one more time, I'm jumping off this damn beam!!" The chinese guy opens his: "Lo mein again!! Dammit, if my wife cooks me this one more time, I'm jumping off too!" The irish guy does the same, sure enough: "corned beef again! Dammit if my wife cooks me this again, I'm jumping with you guys!" The next day, sure enough: spaghetti and meatballs - off goes the italian. Lo mein - off goes the chinese guy. And shortly followed by the irishman and his corned beef sandwich. A few days later at the funerals, the three wives are grieving together. "Oh my god", says the italian's wife. "I knew I shouldn't have cooked him spaghetti and meatballs again." "It was all my fault", says the chinese guy's wife, "If only I hadn't cooked him lo mein!" Finally the irish guy's wife: "I don't get it... he makes his own lunch!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurgis Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 Three construction workers: an italian guy, a chinese guy, and an irish guy are sitting up on one of the beams of the empire state building during its construction, thousands of feet above the street below, having their lunch. The italian guy opens his lunchbox. "Ah spaghetti and meatballs again! If my wife cooks this one more time, I'm jumping off this damn beam!!" The chinese guy opens his: "Lo mein again!! Dammit, if my wife cooks me this one more time, I'm jumping off too!" The irish guy does the same, sure enough: "corned beef again! Dammit if my wife cooks me this again, I'm jumping with you guys!" The next day, sure enough: spaghetti and meatballs - off goes the italian. Lo mein - off goes the chinese guy. And shortly followed by the irishman and his corned beef sandwich. A few days later at the funerals, the three wives are grieving together. "Oh my god", says the italian's wife. "I knew I shouldn't have cooked him spaghetti and meatballs again." "It was all my fault", says the chinese guy's wife, "If only I hadn't cooked him lo mein!" Finally the irish guy's wife: "I don't get it... he makes his own lunch!" Male solidarity trumps these pesky details! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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